yes, i was in love once..

continued from the last post, bhai, you got a girlfriend?

yes, i was in love once, at-least on my side, it was not exactly a courtship or dating sort of thing. we hardly got chance to spend time together. it grew over the modern means of communication rather than old styled love-letters. in the end i realized it was an extreme attraction on my side and modest likeness on her side. we departed on, not a very happy, but a positive node to be friends ever.

later, she did something so bad,cruel and idiotic, it was unbelievable after all we had been together. i was accused of a very cheap act. i was not only shocked on the point that i was accused of such thing but also that it was she who did it. i always thought she knew me best, she knew the real me, “i who would never do anything to disrupt anyone’s life leave apart my friends and specially her.” still, i thought it was momentous madness, which overshadows each one of us from time to time. i thought she will realize with the time that it wasn’t me. it couldn’t be me.

my personal history book has it. i never felt hurt so badly than i felt because of her strange behavior to accuse me. i never understood, why? i have had my share of mishaps, ditching and all other crap things which could be talked about, but nothing did hurt me more than her accusing me of something i even couldn’t dream to do; to try to disturb a friend’s life. i would never do that, ever. i think these lines from ye mera india fit best in this situation (i mend them a little though)

अगर टूटे किसी का दिल तो शब्  भर आँख रोती है, ये दुनिया है गुलों की जिसमें कांटे पिरोती है!
हम दुश्मनी में मिलते हैं अपने दुश्मन से भी इठलाकर,तुम्हारा इश्क देखा तो बड़ी तकलीफ होती है!!

i remember having a crush as old as when i was young enough to be in 2nd standard, girls (not exactly but beauty (inner one more than outer one) has) have always attracted me. i remember quite a few of my crushes spreading over a time span of 20 years (kidding).  post my minor crushes, i had an actual crush when i was in college, it was a girl in my class. she was; actually she still is; damn beautiful, charming, intelligent.. i could go on. truly, i felt strongly for her. thanks to mohit i got to see her enough on my last day in college during that auto-journey to agra. mohit you did a big favor for me that day.

i would still say i never felt more for a girl comparing to what i felt for one, when i was in 11th standard but it was momentous and at that time i didn’t understand the man-woman-relationship concept properly. still, it was a real feeling of attraction. one thing which point out the difference between my major and minor crushes would be the fact that girls who i had minor crush on wouldn’t even know it. i never told them. if only they read it in my eyes, there could be a chance of them knowing it.

i remember how pathetic, my attempt to let my first major crush know about it, was. i was schwimply mesmerized to be with her, up-to such a great extent that i gave her a chance to pull me up always; “you were so lost that you even didn’t realize i asked you to get me a soft-drink and you ended up getting me an ice-cream” said she later, when we were on better terms than my post-proposal day. yes, it was dumb, lame. i should have handled it better. but then, it happens; shit happens – everyday

here is an advice to all the guys; proposal is not a thing which should be used to get close to a girl, it’s a concept which works best when you are close to a girl, to get her closer in your life as an one-only aid often we take it as a wrong step and use it in the beginning. keep it in your arsenal and use it later when it matters most and when it works best. honestly, it’s the best thing if you never have to use it. if you both develop such understanding, nothing needs to be said, much better. but than you will miss the fun of love, won’t you

so eventually vaani, here is the answer of your question. i never had a girlfriend, i don’t have one. and i am pretty sure i will not have one. hope it satisfies all your curiosity about me and my affairs. to make a point, i always thought that “love happens only once, the rest is just life” but after having a major crush, an almost loving affair and being in a major crush again, i could say love keeps coming back in your life until you want it to stop. i think may be it’s time for me to stop it… or may be to give it one last try. oh, about me being in a major crush again….

to be continued……in…… yeah, i am in love again